How to Make Spaghetti

OK, you will need some pans and some water. Make sure you scrub those things good before you use them. Fill one of them bitches up using the sink. Now, turn those knobs so the coil things under the pans start to get hot and shit. Get all this shit that you're gonna need. Noodles, cottage cheese, spaghetti sauce, and mozzarella cheese.
You may wanna drain that liquidy shit from the top of the cottage cheese first. It's fat and you don't wanna eat that crap. OK, now after awhile, the water will start to "boil". This can be seen by the bubbles and stuff the water gives off. Add the noodles to the water. Note the Bachelor Spoon there used to stir. This is important. Don't forget to turn the heat down, doofus unless you like scraping shit off that silvery bowl thing under the coils.
After the noodles bob around in the water for awhile, drain those suckers using a Bachelor Strainer. Remove all the water 'cause you're making Spaghetti, not fucking soup! Note: mortuaries and Sears give these amazing strainers away as promo items. OK, now those noodles are drained, throw them bastards in the pot with the sauce and cheeses, then mix it up good. To make it look all culinary and shit, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on there. No, I will not tell you how to pronounce "parmesan". It is in the "Dairy" section of your grocery store. You know, where the milk and related "health food" crap is located.

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