You're gonna need this junk if you want to do it right.	Oh yeah, and this crap also.	Cut this in half 'cause you're not THAT big of a pig.
Arrange the crap like this on the stove (you know, that thing that has the coily deals that get hot).	Put some of the Bacostrips(tm) into the pan carefully. Handle it like nuclear waste! (i.e. with forks)	Ok, now use this food container opening apparatus to remove the beans from their metallic prison.
Dump 'em into a pan so they don't get all over the stove.	Stick the pan onto one of the coil things that get hot and put it on low.	Like this. (Yah yah you need lots of pictures, I know)
Use a fork to turn it over, don't use your fingers or else you'll be havin' burned finners.	Watch it shrivel up like bacon when ya get into a cold shower... oh wait, that's for the next guide!	Damn, Another Page?